Important Resources for Caregivers
Celebrating the Holidays with Someone Suffering from Dementia
The holiday season is one of anticipation as well as reflection. It is sometimes the one time of year when you get to see certain relatives and share old memories. Despite the dropping temperatures, these special moments combined with the festive spirit of lights and decorations warm our hearts, making the holidays a special time of year for all ages to look forward to.
Yet amidst all this happiness may be lurking the stress and anxiety of caring for a loved one with dementia. This may be a parent, grandparent, spouse, or other loved one, and whether you’ve been caring for him/her for five years or five weeks, this holiday season is certain to be different than last year’s.
If the person with dementia lives with you, you might feel the need to tone down the holiday activities. You might not have time to do all the decorating you normally do, and frankly, some decorations might not be safe for someone with dementia. Meals might need to be simplified for ease of preparation, and you might not be able to jaunt around the neighborhood looking at decorations and lights as much as last year.
Perhaps the most important part of the holiday season is the time shared with family and friends. Remember the importance of telling everyone about grandma’s condition. Inform guests of what to expect and how to handle disruptive behavior.
Lastly, the holidays are a good time of the year to remind yourself of the support system surrounding you, and to enlist help when you need it. Guests and relatives are usually thrilled to contribute more than just bringing a fruitcake or salad—see if people will commit to cooking and clean up duties if you need to take a few minutes to take care of an elder family member.
7 Things to Consider as you Prepare for the Holidays with your
Loved One Suffering from Dementia
Tone down decorations. Flashing tree lights can cause disorientation, and artificial fruits can be mistaken for real food and choked on. If you think candles might pose a problem at the dinner table as people pass dishes, replace them with a different center piece.
Keep a quiet room as a getaway. A bedroom or den away from the main activity of a holiday party is an ideal place to take a senior who gets agitated because of his dementia.
Pick and choose traditions. Coordinating family traditions, meals, and festivities might be increasingly difficult if you are also caring for a loved one with dementia. Maintain only those that are most important to you and your family, or see if another family member will take the reins on planning something.
Delegate responsibilities. Every party runs smoother if you enlist the help of guests, especially if a main priority is keeping your loved one with dementia happy. Appreciate gestures to prepare dishes or help with clean up, and don’t try to do it all yourself.
Apprise family members of loved one’s condition. Although you may be familiar with mom’s behavior because she lives with you, you’ll want to inform your guests and relatives of her most recent difficulties. Even younger kids should be told that grandma is a little sick and might not act like she used to.
Rethink gift-giving. There’s always someone who is tough to buy for. This year it might be the relative with dementia. Avoid power tools and complicated games or puzzles. Something as simple as a photo album or a recording of old music might delight someone suffering from memory loss.
Make meals flexible. This applies to both the time you serve meals and the types of food you serve. Meals might need to be eaten earlier if your loved one with dementia gets restless in the evening, and it is a good idea to have a back up dish you can quickly prepare if someone doesn’t fancy the main course.
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Staying Sharp with Dementia or Memory Loss:
Q: What are some activities/resources in St. Louis for people with dementia that can stimulate and occupy my loved one for a couple hours each week?
A: If your loved one is starting to show the early signs of dementia such as mild memory loss, there are many programs in the area that can help. It is important to keep in mind a couple considerations: do you want a program located at a community center or would you rather keep your loved one at home? Do you want a program that meets on a regular basis or one that you can utilize whenever you feel it is necessary for your loved one? What is your budget for a therapy or program? Do you want a program that focuses more on cognitive stimulation or on support and coping?
Here are a few programs offered by local St. Louis organizations for seniors throughout the fall and winter:
The Brain Fitness Gym: The Brain Fitness Gym began working with seniors in 2006, both in the home and at local centers in St. Louis. The center offers a collection of computer programs that seniors can use to exercise memory, response time, spatial and visual perception, and hand-eye coordination. Prices and Packages are available at their website: http://www.thebrainfitnessgym.com/
The Memory Practice: Started in 2006 by a psychology research scientist, The Memory Practice seeks to provide seniors with fun and stimulating brain exercises in the comfort of their own homes. The Memory Practice mails enrolled seniors two packets of brain exercises each month, that can be completed between one and two weeks at each individual’s own pace. The Memory Practice is a very customized programs, ensuring appropriate difficulty of and satisfaction with its product by phoning clients twice a month to see how they are doing on their packets. Pricing and program options are available at their website: http://www.thememorypractice.com/
Memory Drumming: Sponsored and operated by the St. Louis chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association, Memory Drumming is led by a certified music therapist and meets every month for one hour. The program costs $5 for each lesson, or you can buy a 6-lesson punch card for $25, making this the most affordable and financially flexible program. Memory Drumming is a drop-in program, and requires no prior experience.
The cheapest option, however, might be simply to engage your loved one in regular exercise or mild physical activity. Regular exercise has been shown not only to benefit physically – more regular sleeping patterns, reduced risk of cardiovascular complications, improved motor skills resulting in fewer falls – but has also been shown to improve memory and mood. It is important to choose exercises that your loved one can handle and to start off easy if he/she isn’t used to the exercise. Swimming, walking, and jogging are good physical activities. However, they may require a particular amount of supervision on your part as a caregiver, and you might simply not have enough time. If this is the case, some other mild physical activities that require less supervision include stretching, gardening (make sure seniors stay hydrated, though) and mall-walking with a local group of seniors.
Q: How do I tell my loved one that it is no longer safe or appropriate for him/her to do things he/she has done for many years—drive, cook, walk the dog, manage finances?
A: There is no easy way to tell someone that he should no longer do something he’s been doing for years. But you certainly don’t want to see your loved one get hurt or cause irreparable damage because he/she is not capable of driving or cooking, despite what he/she thinks. One often successful tactic is to approach the discussion with the consultation of a third party. This can be anyone from a family attorney, family physician, or even a program director who can make an expert opinion that your loved one will be more inclined to respect. Our staff regularly acts as this third party professional opinion as well. Identifying a third party to advise a particular decision reduces the likelihood of your loved one becoming defensive, even though you may simply be exhibiting great concern as a loving family member.
Remember that different activities warrant different approaches. Sometimes you should be firm and consistent in not allowing your loved one to do something; for instance, driving is not something that you should allow on “good” days and not allow on “bad” days. Other activities should be approached as ones to wean your loved one off of; cooking is a good example of this—if someone shouldn’t cook on an open flame anymore, allow him/her to help in other ways in the kitchen such as stirring, baking or serving.
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Enjoying the Summer with Loved Ones Living with Memory Loss and Dementia
The days are getting longer, and the neighborhood is starting to smell like barbecues. The kids are out of school and the pools are dotted with many colorful bathing suits.
Yet these delights of summer also come with increased risks for your loved ones living with memory loss, Alzheimer’s disease, or some other form of dementia. Hot temperatures and strong rays make hydration and sunscreen extremely important, but older people suffering from memory loss might often reject taking these precautions. A simple solution is to engage in these measures with your loved one—apply sunscreen or have a glass of lemonade together. When your loved one sees you taking the same measures against the summer sun, she will be more likely to recognize their importance.
Take advantage of nice weather to attend a baseball game, take an easy hike, or have a backyard barbecue. “Familiar activities and pastimes are great ways to spark memories and share time together,” says Steve Miskovic, MSW and memory loss/dementia specialist. If he cannot engage in a particular activity anymore because of his condition, simplify it for him—if he was a golfer but can’t do a full 18 holes anymore, take him to the driving range or have him polish his clubs; if she was a gardener but can’t be on her knees weeding anymore, give her a pot to fill with some small flowers. “Think of ways to extend these favorite activities so that they aren’t completely cut out of your loved one’s life,” Miskovic advises.
Finally, take advantage of the kids being out of school! Try suggesting activities that the young and the elderly can enjoy together such as baking, making puzzles, or scrapbooking. If the kids are old enough, keep them in the loop with grandpa’s condition, because the more they know, the more comfortable they may feel around him.
As a caregiver for someone with memory loss resulting from some form of dementia such as Alzheimer’s disease, be aware of the change of season—the increased risks the summer sun can bring, but also the possibilities it opens up for fun and engaging activities for the whole family.
5 Facts and Tips for Preparing for the Summer Heat
- The Center for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 400 people die each year from exposure to excessive amounts of natural heat.
- Those most susceptible to death are seniors because of their decreased ability to perspire, a natural way that the body cools itself.
- Tip: Dress your loved one with memory loss, dementia, or Alzheimer’s in lightweight clothes to avoid him/her overheating in the summer sun. Consider changing to lighter bedding as well.
- Tip: Drink at least eight glasses of water a day, and consider substituting in a few glasses of drinks with electrolytes, such as Gatorade or Pedialyte.
- Tip: Spend the hottest hours of the day, 10am to 2pm, inside and out of the sun’s strongest rays.
Although it sometimes may seem like summer brings more worries than it does relaxation for those caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or another form of memory loss, remember that many heat-related injuries are preventable!
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“Back to School” for Seniors – caring for your loved one with memory loss
Many middle-aged people are finding themselves struggling to take care of both their aging parents and younger children. In the early 1990s, Carol Abaya termed these adults the “Sandwich Generation,” a reference to being “sandwiched” in between two groups who both need care and attention.
If you are already in this situation, you know how hard it is to be constantly caring for a parent and raising a family—factor in a full time job and you certainly have more to do than a 24-hour day allows. Know you are not alone: according to the Pew Research Center, more than one in every eight Americans between ages 40 and 60 are caring for their children as well as at least one aging parent.
Seniors with Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia can be particularly difficult to care for. How can you find relief? Consider the benefits of an adult daycare center. It is no secret that we send our children to school to learn, socialize, and exercise. Older adults need this too, and adult daycare centers can provide socialization with other seniors and a variety of cognitively stimulating activities to engage your loved one while you are working or taking a break from caregiving. These centers are significantly cheaper than nursing home facilities, and have the added benefit of keeping your loved one at home, a comfort no amenities at a nursing home can replicate.
If you don’t need to leave your loved one at an adult daycare center all day, there are many organizations in the St. Louis area that offer just the mental and physical activities for one to two hours a week. Have your loved one try a Memory Drumming class offered by the Alzheimer’s Association, or a mall-walking group for seniors, so you can take those couple hours a week off for yourself.
Most importantly, these resources give you the opportunity to relax a little. Take a day off work while the kids are at school and mom is at the adult day center. Do some shopping or catch up with an old friend. Plan a picnic for the weekend that everyone will enjoy. Coach your son’s little league team while grandpa is at his evening exercise group.
Remember, caring for a loved one is stressful. Making your life a little easier and reducing your stress levels just slightly will translate into your attitude toward caregiving.
Staying Sharp with Dementia or Memory Loss:
Q: What are some activities/resources in St. Louis for people with dementia that can stimulate and occupy my loved one for a couple hours each week?
A: If your loved one is starting to show the early signs of dementia such as mild memory loss, there are many programs in the area that can help. It is important to keep in mind these considerations: do you want a program located at a community center or would you rather keep your loved one at home? Do you want a program that meets on a regular basis or one that you can utilize whenever you feel it is necessary for your loved one? What is your budget for a therapy or programs? Do you want a program focusing more on cognitive stimulation or on support and coping?
Here are a few programs offered by local St. Louis organizations for seniors throughout the fall and winter:
The Brain Fitness Gym: The Brain Fitness Gym began working with seniors in 2006, both in the home and at local centers in St. Louis. The gym offers a collection of computer programs seniors can use to exercise memory, response time, spatial and visual perception, and hand-eye coordination. The Brain Fitness Gym offers weekly group sessions at the center, as well as private coaching at the center or at home. Prices and Packages are available on their website: http://www.thebrainfitnessgym.com/
The Memory Practice: Started in 2006 by a psychology research scientist, The Memory Practice seeks to provide seniors with fun and stimulating brain exercises in the comfort of their own homes. The Memory Practice mails enrolled seniors two packets of brain exercises each month, to be completed between one and two weeks at each individual’s own pace. The Memory Practice is a very customized programs, ensuring appropriate difficulty of and satisfaction with its product by phoning clients twice a month to see how they are doing on their packets. Pricing and program options are available on their website: http://www.thememorypractice.com/
Memory Drumming: Sponsored and operated by the St. Louis chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association, Memory Drumming is led by a certified music therapist and meets every month for one hour. The program costs $5 for each lesson, or you can buy a 6-lesson punch card for $25, making this the most affordable and financially flexible program. Memory Drumming is a drop-in program, and requires no prior musical experience. Call (314) 432-3422 for more information.
The cheapest option, however, might be simply to play word/number games from local newspapers or to engage your loved one in mild physical activity. Some word games such as crossword puzzles may become a little too difficult for someone with dementia. In this case, try switching to seek-and-finds. Make sure font size is large enough for your loved one to read. Regular exercise offers not only physical benefits (i.e. more regular sleeping patterns, reduced risk of cardiovascular complications, improved motor skills resulting in fewer falls), but has also been shown to improve memory and mood. It is important to choose exercises your loved one can handle and to start off easy if he/she isn’t used to the exercise. Swimming, walking, and jogging are good physical activities. However, they may require a particular amount of supervision on your part as a caregiver, and you might simply not have enough time. If this is the case, some other mild physical activities that require less supervision include stretching, gardening (make sure seniors stay hydrated, though) and mall-walking with a local group of seniors.
Q: How do I tell my loved one that it is no longer safe or appropriate for him/her to do things he/she has done for many years—drive, cook, walk the dog, manage finances?
A: There is no easy way to tell someone that he should no longer do something he’s been doing for years. But you certainly don’t want to see your loved one get hurt or cause irreparable damage because he/she is not capable of driving or cooking, despite what he/she thinks. One successful tactic is to approach the discussion with the consultation of a third party. This can be anyone from a family attorney, family physician, or a program director who can give an expert opinion your loved one will be more inclined to respect. Our staff regularly acts as this third party professional opinion as well. Identifying a third party to advise a particular decision reduces the likelihood of your loved one becoming defensive, even though you are simply exhibiting great concern as a loving family member.
Remember, different activities warrant different approaches. Sometimes you should be firm and consistent in not allowing your loved one to do something; for instance, driving is not something you should allow on “good” days and not allow on “bad” days. Other activities should be approached as ones to wean your loved one off of; cooking is a good example of this—if someone shouldn’t cook on an open flame anymore, allow him/her to help in other ways in the kitchen such stirring, baking or serving.
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- Educate yourself about the disease. Read books, attend workshops and consult with healthcare professionals.
- Learn caregiving techniques. Key areas are communication skills, safety concerns, and managing behavioral challenges and activities of daily living.
- Understand the experience of your loved one. Adjust your expectations. Be patient and kind.
- Avoid caregiver burnout. Make time for yourself. Join caregiver support groups. Pursue interests beyond your caregiving role, such as exercise, hobbies, journaling and art.
- Maintain your own physical and mental health. Exercise, respite and other activities can reduce stress. Seek medical help if there are signs of depression.
- Discuss the situation with family and friends. Support systems are critical.
- Do cognitive stimulation activities with your loved one. Listening to music, word puzzles and memory games can easily be done at home.
- Foster communication with physicians. Be involved in your loved one's medical care. Ask questions about the progression of the disease, express concerns and discuss treatment options.
- Take care of financial, legal and long-term care planning issues. Try to involve your loved one in decision-making, if they are still capable of providing input, and consider their wishes related to future care and end-of-life issues.
- Smile. Kindness, humor and creativity are essential parts of caregiving. Hugs, hand massage and other gentle physical contact will help your loved one feel connected and loved.
- Think positive. Focus on your loved one's remaining strengths and enjoy your relationship while you are still able to.
- Reach out for care. Call Memory Care Home Solutions, 314-645-MCHS or email our Program Director.
Links
Alzheimer's Disease Education & Referral Center
(Washington University-St. Louis)
Caregiver.com/Today's Caregiver Magazine
Homewatch Caregivers-St. Louis/St. Charles
The Healthy Caregiver Magazine
National Council on the Aging
National Family Caregiver's Association
St. Louis Area Agency on Aging